DAY THREE

Growing up I noticed how people outside my home appreciated my creations, so I would make stuff and people would pay me for them! I would play the guitar for my aunts and uncles when they came to visit and then I would pass my guitar around with the hole facing upward so they would throw money inside. I was an entrepreneur! But I understand now that since I did not learn how to value my creativity as I grew older because that was not anything big at home, it was hard for me to keep it up and to continue believing people would like my stuff. So, I kinda lost my way and forgot how to believe in my creations and the fact that people like them. So I started to give away everything I made. I created wonderful pieces of art every day and never signed them so people would come over, ask for them and there they went… Forget about charging for them. But last year I realized I had to change everything about me. I was not happy with my life or my attitude. Seeing this wonderful life coach every week was the best thing for me because I could no longer run away from my problems. I could not avoid my feelings, I could not “pretend” anymore and most important, I could not keep anything from her! Cause she caught me every time! I had to grow up and let me tell you, it was hard but to accomplish that difficult task was the greatest gift.

My bad habits were so engraved in me, I had no idea I had them. She would point out things I did or said, which to me meant nothing, and she would take them apart, piece by piece to show me where those attitudes, reactions, opinions came from and let me just say, she shocked me every time. Comments I made that I did not believe, believes I carried because I did not bother to find out why I had them, thoughts, words, sarcasm and all kinds of unwanted things that were there because I had learned to carry them; reactions to little things that were automatic because nobody ever showed me what I was doing day after day; attitudes and even feelings toward things that I had for years for no reason… they all came out to present themselves in front of this wonderful lady and even though it was so embarrassing to be sitting there trying to excuse myself, trying to explain the inexplicable… thank God it happened with her because she is the best. She really opened my eyes but she did it in such a gentle and sweet way, I learned to like the process.

To complement my sessions, my coach asked me to start listening to Abraham Hicks and even though I was not interested at all, I pushed myself to stay tuned cause that  was homework. Let me tell you, listening to these audios on YouTube changed my life in more ways than one. Check them out if you haven’t. Pick any video, whichever gets your attention when you get the list from your search. You will be amazed by how many questions you have are answered by that single video you think you randomly chose.

“If you ask me what I came to do in this world, I, an artist, will answer you: I am here to live out loud.” Émile Zola

DAY TWO

I have read tons of books, listened to dozens of audios and watched a huge amount of videos throughout my life but last year I realized that I was never present before, or at least, not often enough. I was living in automatic most of the time, replaying every day the same tapes I had in my head since I was a child.

Last year, while working with my coach, something clicked and I think it was the fact that this coach showed me a picture of myself that I had never seen. She showed me who she saw in me, what I had to offer, what I had inside and seriously I did not know this person… and the worst part is, I liked that person she saw in me.

I did not know who I was before because I seriously did not see the good stuff about me. I was not taught how. Nobody ever showed me how to like me, how to love me, how to appreciate me or what I do and this coach did it in just a couple of months. She guided me to the right books, the right videos, the right audios and the most important thing: she taught me how to be present by giving me homework. My God, I think back and I cannot believe how horrible I was, not because I was bad but because I was so lost! I had no idea I was living in the dark, always expecting the worst out of everything and everybody, always thinking people were out to get me, never hoping and not believing in miracles. Sad…

To give you a little bit of background, I was born in a family of two boys and two girls, I am the youngest. My mother, a lab technician who met my dad at the hospital where they both worked, was always very artistic even though she did not know how good she was. My father, a medicine doctor, of course did not have that “artistic” gene, so he never understood any of it. When I was in elementary and high school, I was always chosen to paint posters for events, or decorate a wall for the upcoming season among other things and I loved that but to my parents, that was not important. I loved music and poetry and that of course also made me weird according to them. My artistic side was not nurtured at home, so I created this world in my room where I would go to do my art, you know, those useless things that really made me happy like writing poems, painting or playing the guitar. But at the time, I only had access to what my parents had around, so I stole the bar soaps to carve faces and animals for the fun of it (to later throw them away afraid of being punished if my parents knew I was wasting soap), I used any paper I found to draw and color, I made stuff with little things, like pictures with grains of rice and beans when my mom was cooking. I remember I painted beaches with palm trees on 1 cent coins, can you believe that? I carved my friends’ names on chalk that looked like they had been made with a mold, I drew caricatures of my teachers and friends, created sculptures out of anything but most important than anything to me was to watch what my mother made. I always tried to imitate her because she took arts and craft classes all the time. Even though my dad did not appreciate her talent, she still managed to take classes all the time and she enjoyed every minute of it. I loved watching her make things and I studied all of her moves to do the same things she did. My world was all about creating and she was doing it right in front of me all the time, so I learned how. When I was creating, I was in heaven.

Thought of the day:
“Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.” Pablo Picasso

DAY ONE

I’ve been looking for answers all my life. I searched for that “something” since I was a kid not knowing what it was that I was looking for. But I always knew there was something else out there, something that I needed to get, that I needed to understand, something I needed to appreciate but I had no clue what it was. I thought that it could be some kind of guidance, a light like some say, an understanding… something. Not God because I have always believed in God but something bigger than me. I searched in many different ways: through therapy, through meditation, through crystals, through spiritual retreats, seminars, workshops, self-help books, you name it. But no matter what I did, I could not find that path to follow that I so desperately needed. Since my childhood was not very happy, I was blind in many ways, I did not know better. It was hard to understand what I was looking for or why but I knew there was something out there that I needed to find.

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